Akiak school’s theme this year is “from hardship to hope.” Seventh-grade students spoke to community members in the Yukon-Kuskokwim Delta village about this theme to learn journalism skills, in collaboration with Alaska Public Media.
For this story, seventh-grader Nadine Ayagalria spoke with Akiak community member Lena Foss.
Lena Foss goes by the name Maamcuk. Maamcuk is a nice person, funny sometimes. She lives in Akiak where she gardens, gathers food, cooks for community members, attends church and raises her grandson. She was born in Akiak and has been there most of her life. When she was younger, she used to have an alcoholic family.
“My family was alcoholic because we had lots of money,” Maamcuk said. “There was commercial fishing. They used to fish Mondays and Thursdays, and they used to buy them – three bucks a pound for a fish. In my boat we’d have over $3,000 worth of money, and the majority of that money went to booze.”
When Maamcuk grew older she started getting addicted to alcohol, too.
“I drank, I abused alcohol, I abused my kids,” Maamcuk said. “I did stuff wrong. I lost my kids to OCS [The Office of Children’s Services] because I was Permanent Fund rich, and I go to Anchorage and spend my money. But after I lost my kids, I’m changing my life. I’m changing my life where I don’t make alcohol number one. And I’m practicing, and it’s hard because people always go, ‘Maamcuk, you want a drink?’ And it’s hard for me to say ‘no,’ but sometimes I say ‘yes.’ But now me and my husband are looking at this challenge. It’s an addiction.”
Maamcuk is trying to stop drinking, but it’s hard. It causes her to lose friends and feel isolated and lonely. And sometimes when she wants someone to be with her, no one is there.
“I had good friends,” Maamcuk said. “Now they’re not even my friends because I don’t want to join them drinking. Now they don’t even talk to me. When I was drinking, they were my best friends. That’s a challenge because I feel like I have no friends. Can you guys be my friend and say ‘hi’? Because you know, when you guys say ‘hi,’ it means the world to some people, because we’re alone out there, and we’re secretly hurting inside. And when people say ‘hi,’ it makes you want to live. At least there’s somebody that’s willing to say ‘hi’ to you.”
But she said her husband is always there for her, even on her lowest days.
“He is my provider,” Maamcuk said. “He brings me boating. He makes sure I have wood. He makes sure that my freezer is filled. He makes sure my motors are running. He’s a mechanic. He’s a hunter. He is my best husband on earth. He helps me raise my grandchildren.”
Now that Maamcuk feels better, she’s starting to do stuff for the community like cook, grow food, keep the environment clean, and she tries to cheer up other people. Some days she prays and has words of hope.
“My favorite one is ‘this too shall pass,’” Maamcuk said. “But it’s so hard when you’re down and out, ‘cause it was embedded to us by our parents, our grandparents. We all go through hardship, whether it be today, tomorrow, but there always will be a shining light at the end. You won’t be sad all the time. You won’t be struggling all the time. There will be days when things are gifted to you. Things are given to you. You will find hope in your most deepest moment. And you know what? Prayer helps. I believe in God, and I believe in our higher power.”
Maamcuk said God always sends someone to her on her bad days. Her father once said to her to believe in herself, and she does.
This story was produced as part of Alaska Public Media’s Community Wellness Project, a collaborative initiative with rural Alaskans to talk about what wellness means to them. Some stories are told by community members working as citizen reporters. Unlike other journalism projects, participants have input in the editing process and give consent to the final version of the story. People who are interviewed may receive small honorariums for sharing their knowledge and time. Citizen reporters are paid for their work. This project is funded by the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation.
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Anne Hillman is the healthy communities editor at Alaska Public Media and a host of Hometown, Alaska. Reach her atahillman@alaskapublic.org. Read more about Annehere.
