“The odds are good but the goods are odd.” It's a familiar joke in Alaska — and for some people trying to date here, it can feel painfully true.
But with Valentine’s Day just around the corner, is there a way to swing the odds in your favor and find that special someone?
For our Alaska Survival Kit series, I spoke with local experts who shared four tips to help you increase your chances of finding love in the 49th state, whether you’re swiping right on apps or stepping out to mingle in person. (Plus, if you’re already in a relationship, there’s a bonus tip to keep the romance alive.)
1. Don’t snub the apps
I recently caught up with Josiah Smith, a single guy from the Kenai Peninsula. He was at a “Stop Light Night” singles event at Anchorage’s Magnetic North Brewing Company. I was there to get a sense of how singles in Alaska view the dating scene. Josiah was hoping to meet someone in-person instead of swiping on a screen. He admitted that dating apps often feel like an awkward game.
“You have to come up with something catchy, and I can't do it, and I don't want to,” he said.
Marsha Schirack-Olson gets it. But she also encourages Alaskans to not completely write off the apps.
Marsha is a communications professor at the University of Alaska Anchorage who has worked as a professional matchmaker. She said if you’re on a dating app looking for something real, chances are there are others too. She called it the “gross bar example.”
“You walk into a kind of a dive bar, and you're like, ‘It's kind of gross. I'm here, and everyone doesn't seem that great,’” she said. “But I'm here and I'm pretty cool, and if I'm here, then maybe there's someone else like me who's here.”
2. Be yourself
Marsha said many of her friends have met their partners through dating apps. But, as she told one of her communications classes, dating apps are also meant to be addictive.
“Dating apps are designed to keep you on them, because there's just so many options,” she said.
If you’re going to use them, Marsha said you should be specific about what you’re looking for and be authentic — especially when it comes to posting pictures.
“If you are not outdoorsy, and you don't hunt and fish, like, if the only time you've ever been fishing is the time that you have that one photo from, don't lean in that hard to that,” she said. “Maybe disclose that ‘this is my one fish.’”
3. Get out of the house
If you’ve been on the apps for a while and really want to meet someone the old-fashioned way, Marsha said it’s time to get out and mingle.
She said socializing can mean going to singles events, but she said it can also mean just hanging out with your friends… it just has to be in public.
“Going out and sitting and chit-chatting with your friends, that opens up your social circle,” she said. “That means you could potentially meet more people. That brings your potential partner, and it also develops you into an interesting person, because now you have friends and interests, and that's important, because a good partner has interests, they have a life.”
4. Forget forever (for now)
Finding a date in a city like Anchorage, with tens of thousands of residents, is one thing. But finding one in a smaller community is another, said Anchorage-based relationship therapist Amber Vial.
She has lived in Alaska a long time, in communities big and small. More rural communities often have much smaller dating pools, she said, and it may be difficult to find “the one.” But Amber said you shouldn’t let that stand in the way of making connections with people.
“I'm not sure I'm going to meet the person of my dreams,” she said. “So can I pivot here and like, have some fun? Can I just connect? Can I explore what it's like to date a lot of different people, or date nobody and date myself, right?”
Bonus tip: Do a ‘Marriage Monday’
Already in a relationship, but want to keep the spark alive? Amber has a bonus tip for you: create a weekly tradition called a “Marriage Monday.”
It doesn’t have to be a Monday, and you don’t have to be married. But essentially, it’s time you’ve set specifically for you and your partner to come together, just the two of you, away from the daily stresses.
“You play, you mix it up,” she said. “You take a class together, you read a book together. You're doing something that says, ‘I'm turning towards you. You're all I see. I'm putting my phone down. I'm not working. Let's go enjoy,’ right? Get a babysitter.”
Maybe that Marriage Monday can be on Valentine’s Day. Personally, I’m going to try my hand at French cooking for my wife. I’ve never made a sauce from scratch or seared a steak with peppercorns, but I’m hoping it’ll be a nice restaurant-quality meal we can share at home.
